You know you got stronger

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Its another normal day, you take a rest and relax yourself in the best way you can. You woke up, the sun is shining bright and everything seems to be in order. The sun beams light through your window. It is a light that warms your body, your mind, and your soul. You tell yourself, you did it. You woke up feeling well, not pressured, and you let everything go.

Optimistic, an ideology you tell yourself. It is what you are right now. Optimistic in a way that you see something better for you and the people you care for. The storms that once ruined you has gone by, and its time to rebuild yourself. The rainbow has painted the once grey sky, but you keep in mind that nothing lasts.

You  rebuilt yourself stronger so you prevent  yourself getting destroyed again. The walls that once let everyone in has gone higher. You let go of the things that weighed you down so you can soar high, but you hold on to some of the things that destroyed you as a reminder to keep pushing forward. These are the remembrance to not forget what you’ve been through. The memoirs to tell you to keep fighting and going.

Keep the scars in your soul and let the people you care for look into your eyes. The eyes will always be a window through your soul.

You know you got stronger when you miss yourself feeling the pain that used to kill you. You don’t wanna go back to the situation, but you wanna go back to what used to be yourself, and reminisce on how it has been through. You can let go of the pain, but never the lessons and the sincerity to touch others.


The life of a boy that never lived.

© Photo by Danijelg | DeviantArt

That night, someone he knew was there, he knew he was seen, he was avoided, he was ignored, he was left as if he didn’t exist. He was hurt and broken to unimaginable pieces. The boy was lone and helpless. From there, he told himself that it was the last time he will hurt himself of waiting in vain again and again. His heart cried and cried and only stopped until the day has started. The rays of the sun has painted the sky from purple to blue. Whatever, he sees his world was still dark no matter how high the sun has risen.

Questions have been swallowing his mind, but after all, what everyone didn’t know was that how brave he really was. He shows thousands of faces to hide what he really has. He may be in pain but he smiles. He’s been broken. He’s been feared. He’s been left. He’s been knocked down. He’s been defeated. He felt the pain that most couldn’t handle. There was fear in his face, year after year, day after day, and yet, he never runs. He never hides. He always finds a way to get back up. He told himself he is more than what others think he was, only if the people could see of what he is beyond. He may be fragile, but he is unbreakable. Only himself keeps him strong.

Till then, only the taste of smoke that fills his lungs was the only thing he knew to help him breathe, through the struggle of the pain he felt that night. The night that has taken away his life.


–An excerpt from the book I will never write.

Too strong to be in a relationship


Laying in bed, all by yourself. You’re in the four corners of your room hearing the tick-tock of the clock. Staring at the blank space of the ceiling. You try to kill the time thinking and then looking yourself in the mirror how kind of an art piece you are. You are alone, single and getting your shit together with no one one but you. The breeze is cold and only the warm rays of the sun touches your skin. You spend too much time on your gadgets, checking and surfing online seeing everyone living the life and you, locking yourself on a ‘me’ time. A ‘me’ time, where moments are gold for a person like you, but there are times you tell yourself it could have been better with someone.

You keep on waiting for the one. You want someone to come in and show you the world. Someone to hold, someone to spend your time, and someone who makes you feel alright. You keep on waiting for someone who’s worth it. Someone who can put up with you, join your battles and care for you when you wander. Someone who can be by your side when they see your demons. You want to see your future happily with someone.

On this moment, you get confused if you’re  missing the feeling of being in love or the person you used to love. You want to feel it again but are afraid to let go of the past and face the future. Now, you are lonely but you are comfortable. Is being in love worth taking the risk of losing yourself again on the walls that you have built again to isolate yourself? Your mind is on a battle to say yes, but be sure to be brave to gamble and wise enough to know someone whose worth it. That someone whom you’ll let into your world, see through your windows and touch your soul. Someone who will kiss you to calm the rage.

Keep on waiting. You know the wait will be worth it because you are a music waiting to be heard. Your heart’s a secret garden and the walls are high. You are a beautiful island in a middle of the vast seas, an oasis in a desert. A treasure waiting to be discovered. A masterpiece of art of fragility and strength. Or who knows? maybe the one you are waiting for is on a search waiting for you too. Maybe, Just a maybe. For now, fall in love with your solitude and no, you’re not too strong to be in a relationship, you are too strong to rush yourself into a mature relationship.


It’s okay not to be okay.

Photo by Elly Smallwood |

There are sometimes that you feel down and and cold. You’re not fine, not okay. You are hurt and and in pain. You either feel as blank as a canvass or on the peak to an emotional breakdown. You’re lost on the sea of thoughts that has been wandering your mind all this time. You are conscious that you are in an  island of situation that’s not right. Inescapable. A scenario of a self pity that you are either lonely, pressured, helpless or hurt. You could be on a burden of something that you have been carrying all along but choose to ignore.

It’s fine.

It’s fine that you are on a test. A test that can either put you up or break you down. It’s fine that you are alone, not everyone has to know your story. People could be judgemental and if building your wall is one way to comfort yourself, then do it. It’s fine to have barriers against people. It is also a way of protection. A way to protect yourself against what could people think, do and say. Only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious. Others will always say something instead of thinking of putting themselves on your shoes.Not anyone could understand as you do, you cant please everyone. Individual differences also means that people could have different perspectives from what you have. What could be hard on you could be their piece of cake, or the other way around. Individual differences has a vast meaning, everyone has differences, but only a few have  a kind heart and an open mind. Be choosy on the people you trust, even the military has the saying that goes “Do not trust even the wall”, but it does not necessarily mean not to trust. It is an advise to know the people whom you could put your trust on.

There is nothing wrong in protecting yourself, especially when you know that you already had the scars, gained the lessons and heightened the tolerance. It is okay not to be okay, because it helps you grow. You just got to know when you need to stop pitying yourself and start doing to move on. You should know when to keep up or give up. To keep moving, or to stop going. Whichever it is, it will surely help you to grow and be a to keep getting a better version of yourself.

Fly with your dreams or let the dreams fly.


Lost — It’s where you’re at right now.

You don’t know where to go, and you don’t know where to start either. You are in a road that leads to different ways, confused and wondering where do these roads go.You have been wanting to catch your dreams ever since you were young. A bold and a very successful individual. Who wasn’t anyway?, but from the situation that you are now, you don’t seem to see yourself to be able to live the dream you have planned for yourself. You feel trapped on the reality of the world that life isn’t as easy as learning your ABCs. Life is tough, the world keeps going forward and your fight with your contemporaries is getting harder. You look at yourself and pity on your situation, a boring failure. A person full of dreams and frustrations.

The house that you dreamed to call as home, the people you want to be with, the lifestyle you want to achieve, the life you want to live. Don’t keep yourself on getting too much disappointments, think, and do something to make yourself move. You have been through so much to keep yourself on that track.You have to realize, there will always be someone better, but you can also be better with something.

Not because you feel that a person your age has seemed to reach their goals, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are less competent. Sometimes, it’s chances, maybe they were born with their mediums to go far, born with the golden spoon on their mouth and their skills being well nurtured, and you, starting from the scratch. Others were helped by those people who succeeded before them.  Dont worry, for sure, it would be a greater achievement to have reached whatever you have when you are all by yourself. A feeling of fulfillment that you are really more than what you thought you could never be. An accomplishment without the help of others but with your skills and fighting spirit.

Maximize yourself. If the world don’t wanna see what you have, make your way to let the world see what they’re missing. A person full of dreams blooming in a way that never have anyone thought would be.

Continue to be a person full of dreams, make it happen. Don’t get easily disappointed, if you get tired, rest, then keep moving. But know when to stop trying harder, consider the lessons and the person that you have become, you might have to let your dreams fly and who knows, something better awaits. Just believe on yourself, do what you think can help you grow, keep going and trying. Push yourself to be a better person, always.

Don’t forcibly open a locked door. Don’t lock yourself up to the idea that there is no other room in this world for you if you didn’t become what you have dreamt of. You can be the person you never thought would become, and that is fine. Embrace what you have become and do something on what you have. Right then, the doors that you thought wasn’t yours will open. Just do your best to reach your goals, keep the hopes up but your expectations down.

The hardest battle; you against your mind.

©Photo by karamirror | Pinterest
©Photo by karamirror | Pinterest

Same shit, different day.

Another day has started, you get up the bed, get a shower, grab your drink and you’re ready to go. Same old routine, over and over again. You tell yourself you are tired. No matter how much sleep you get, you are tired. Are you really just tired? maybe not, you are tired and unhappy. You could be exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

You are on a mental state of breaking down while telling yourself to keep pushing through to achieve your goals. You want to reach your dreams, but it seems that there is no way out of the situation. You feel like you have been exhausting your resources all for nothing, and nothing means just living the life as usual.

Somebody asks “you okay?”, you answer “just tired” but deep inside your soul, you are screaming, you are hurt, you are crying, all by yourself. You push yourself to smile and act fine but how you wish someone would come and dig deeper within you. Someone who would would care, someone to understand, and someone to stay even seeing the darkest parts of your mind. Someone who’s not afraid of the little rain because you are lightning and thunderstorms. You want someone to get in to your comfort zone, but you’re afraid you might hurt and destroy them too.

You feel like a mess, a broken glass with shards that may hurt whoever touches it. A cactus on a desert, a rose full of thorns. It may not be the end, but remind yourself, only you will never leave you. Everyone may leave but not you.

You’re a mess but you’re a beautiful one. A broken glass but sees the good through the people. A cactus, independent and strong. A rose, where there is beauty despite its thorns. You are hurt, but be compassionate. Be the moon on somebody’s darkest nights, don’t let anyone you care for go through the same shit as you. They may not be fragile as you are, but you can never break. You may be lightnings and thunderstorms, but not everyone has the same heart as you.

With this, I leave it here;

A note to self : Mind over matter, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Be kind and gentle every time you have the chance

© Photo by lynnechapman | Blogspot

Days will be different, time continues to pass by, but have you ever asked yourself “How am I living as a person on another’s point of view?”

There will come the days where you feel like being tested, where you feel like everything seems against your way. You feel the sky has turned grey, you look at everyone and they are having their life, then there’s you, trapped in your own bubble and mind games that you are tired of not getting your life on how you envisioned it to be. You look at yourself and the dreams you have given up, the frustrations that you have never thought would be, and the challenges that you are currently facing and how you just keep on getting through the day. You stare at the blank space and wonder, maybe you’re not just the only one fighting a battle, maybe also that man who’s tying his shoe on the train, or that  woman carrying a pack of grocery, that guy with a straight face on the bridge, or maybe that girl selling flowers on the street on her full flash smile. You encourage yourself, it could be that they are not just fighting a battle, but facing a war, and the same as you, they’re as subtle as they can be.

You feel down because you feel you are all  by yourself, you want to open up but you’re afraid to end up not getting someone to lean on, be a laughing stock, or worse, getting judged, so you end up fixing yourself and just go through the day. You are on a race against your mind, a mental rage on how you would want to give up as much as how you want to keep moving forward.

Tell yourself you can do it because you are brave. You tell yourself that this is more than just a battle, this could be something that needs to happen to help you grow as a person. You believe in yourself that this is not just about what you keep on losing, but also what you get to earn along the way. You believe in yourself that you can do everything. At times, it may be difficult, but you know you will get there. Self doubt is a part of it, but you’ll learn how to get over it along the way. Go through the feasible and happy path, and quit forcing something that would put you on a situation on getting nothing but disappointments.

You know the feeling of being lone and helpless on your own and how you wish nobody would ever feel the same way as you do. Be gentle with another person because you may not know what the other person is going through and how are they doing to get over it, that could have been the only thing for them between pushing through or giving up. Be kind, you might not know how it could help someone who isn’t as brave as you. Be gentle for it is a skill not everyone has. Be kind, because you wanna be blessed and be a blessing,

You are a warrior, a brave warrior of your own battle against yourself and the world. Tell yourself to keep moving. Do your best to help others out of the challenges you might have been through, but do not have the same courage as you do. Be kind and gentle, a warrior never leaves his co-warrior on battle. Be the hand you needed when you needed one.