The Rage of Waves

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What is more heartbreaking than getting yourself drowned a hundred times by the large waves of thoughts and just when you finally learned how to surf to make the most out of it, it’s gone.

Before, we used to be scared on how these waves would consume us, so it gradually taught us to learn how to swim. Swimming in this rage of thoughts, it made you learn the ability to surf. Surfing in a way that you know not just to go with the flow, but make something special from it.

Now, just thinking how we would lose the waves when we finally learned how to play with it makes us sad. Learning how to play with the waves can always take us to the seashore. The safe and calm place– 

Life is a beach, is it not? It gives you all these ideas to play tricks on your mind that you can do everything. Is this life giving us another larger waves of thought that we need to overcome? Is this life sending us to a bigger ocean for us to conquer? Whatever it is, as long as we live, pretty sure that the waves will keep coming. The better we are, the larger they become. We all want to be a better version of ourselves than we were yesterday, but only up to that. There are people who aim to be the best as soon as they can but if so, life would be no sense if we have reached the best version of ourselves. Life should give you a thrill, not a child’s play. People can only go better and better but not the best, yet.

For the larger waves coming, our surfing skills may not be enough. Brace yourself to catch the waves and the surprises behind it. No matter how unexpectedly large it is, don’t be scared. No matter how many times we drown ourselves, we can always try to swim up and surf again. It is a part of what life is about. An enormous ocean.


Getting Up, Growing Up

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The good old days, you were just another kid who wanted everything in the world. To have all the superpowers, money, have all the fried chicken, all the toys, and all the friends you can. Remember how you cried over things you don’t get?

Look at you, you have grown up. You learned that life fucks everyone. Things didn’t go out the way your younger self want it to be. You just can’t cry yourself out. Think about how your younger self looks into you right now, pretty sure that little thing is sad.

As we grow older, we get to find ways on how we think we could fulfill that dream of that little kid. We get to the point that we were being too hard on ourselves that we even set personal standards. “Standards”, a word from the society on how it sets the view to its people and its goals, the more you live to it, the more favorable. There you are, getting too harsh and setting them even to yourself, even if is not on your favor.

You don’t have to be one of those people getting in line on that old track. Keep going for the things that you didn’t know anything about. Give yourself the time to take several paths. All the roads not taken that you see to reach the line. Don’t get that little kid disappointed when the path didn’t go well, and that some things don’t just go your way. Pretty sure that kid would tell you to keep going.

Open up the kid, that teenager, that there is more to the world than what they wanted. That you, as a grown-up has got to know what the best is for you. That as you grew up, you didn’t want to be the richest man in the world. Just enough to live your means, and be able to help the environment, the community, and the helpless. Just be able to express yourself and be happy.

As you continue to grow up, it’s okay to not be content with who you are today. Just be contented with more simple things in life when you have given your best. Consider the things more than that the rewards you get for being gentle with yourself by any means given by God.

By now, you just have to respond to that young kid, “let’s get moving, we have been through many tough times. Things haven’t been easy for us, but look how far we’ve come”. Do yourself a favor, loosen up yourself and tighten up your seat belt on your way to a better version of you.

An Endless Roller Coaster

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At first you want to live the life, the next you feel tired, and then the next you break down, and then you build yourself. Repeat.

It is tiring. One time you’re on a peak of joy like you’re meant to carry the world, and then meant to fall on your knees later. It is exhausting to live, on this repetitive cycle. There are days when the best choice is not caring about anything at all, while in the deeper you, you really care and you scream for a hint of what your purpose really is and what your future would be. Some days you are living without feeling anything and some days you feel everything inside all at the same time.

It is wanting to have a reboot of everything. It is with hopes up that you’ll have everything you’ll ever need to get everything you wanted. But no, life doesn’t work that way. In reality, you must live while you get everything that you can, so you can use it while you keep on going.

We have to face it, life is not all about going up to the top. Or else, it will be pointless. It is made to have slopes so you gain extra force to go higher. It is an endless journey.

Life tells us that we should know how to handle and take care of everything while we still have the view of the top, so we won’t drop ourselves to the deepest pit when problems drag us down. We need to compose ourselves with a mind that sets us to the better ways we can take and a heart full of courage to keep us going on the path whenever life gets too intricate.

We need to equip ourselves with courage to keep on going, and reinforce it with what we can earn along the way. We are humans, we are meant to feel while we live our lives. It is the unspoken law to every soul ever created.


Anyone can be a Prison

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Some people are just given the luck to be born free. For some people, it is not. To be free is a heavy choice to be made. Some people are born and then made to choose over freedom, self-fulfillment, and to please the people they care for.

Not everything that people do reflects who they really are. The person that they are deep inside. The soul inside the skin they are in. They might be doing something for a reason that is beyond what we are seeing. People are so quick to judge others simply by how they see them, but not knowing the story behind why they had to do such things or what turned them into someone that they really don’t want to be. It is a sad reality that people’s eyes prey on what they see without putting their foot on the shoe. At least everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt.

These are the people that scream for help in their cell. They are alone, and no matter how loud they scream, no one would hear them. They are locked up in their mind. They are those who do not know what price they need to pay in order to be freed. Provide them the food to survive while they take their time to free themselves, by providing support in any way you can on how they can they be their better version. Provide them visits in the jail through kind words, everyone needs someone even at one point in our lives.

People today have been very hard to each other, setting standards on what and what’s not is to float the boat. People need to understand that others might prefer to swim because that is what they think the best way they can do to reach the shore.

People can be a prison of their own selves because they do not know how to cope up with the people that surround them, and the environment that they live in. It could also be a choice, a choice made because of the people that they care for, and not for themselves. These are the people who choose to be a prison instead of following what they want to be, for the price of putting others before themselves.

These are the strongest people, the people who chose to compromise their freedom and themselves just to be the ‘best’ in the eyes of the people they care for.

The worst prison is the mind, and it also holds the key. It is the prison and it is the freedom. Some are prisoners and some are free-spirited. Don’t be the police, be a human.


The Monster isn’t Under the Bed

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Back in the days, we have always thought that the monster was under the bed. Until the time that we grow up and realize that they’re really not.

Now, we could only miss the times when we would get scared because of the monsters that would haunt us. We would cry ourselves out terrified of being left alone and getting caught by them. At least, we know we are safe up in our bed under our sheets.

Today it is scarier, the monsters are hiding inside our head, and they feed on our thoughts. They are born with us, to live with us. They provide us the urge to think and think, and think. Overthink everything. Before, we cry of being left alone, but now we like to be left alone with our demons, and live with them while they slowly kill us. It is scary and satisfying at the same time. There is no help. No matter how much people try to reach out, we would always choose to isolate ourselves because we feel safer on our own. The monsters live on our head and occupy our minds, they are everywhere inside us. We grew up thinking they would haunt us, but now we know they don’t need to, they’re already in our mind feasting with our thoughts.

Before, we just cry ourselves out, but now we cry out with our hearts. Our eyes don’t shed out the tears anymore, but our heart does and that silence will be our loudest cry. They are a part of us. They keep us awake and bring us to sleep. We’re not sure if we own them or they own us. We’re not sure if we wanna lose them or they just don’t exist. If ever they do, we still wouldn’t know if it is us or them. If ever they exist, the worst part is if we lose them, we’ll lose our-self too.

At the end of the day, maybe it all comes down to embracing every part of yourself. We are the monsters that are haunting us.

Maybe we should also open up ourselves out and take chances. We may not lose the monsters, but at least we might take over them. Before anything else, it is better to find acceptance in ourselves first than finding it from others.

This is Emptiness

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Again, it is late afternoon. You stare at nowhere and find yourself on an empty state. Nothing on your mind, nothing on your heart, just pure nothingness. You try to do something to make yourself feel, you try to reminisce and cherish memories to start-up the mood you want to feel, but you fail, miserably. You get the pen and paper to write your heart out, but nothing comes out. You are a nothing of yourself for the moment. You lost interest in the things that you used to like to do.

When was the last time that you have ever felt something like nothing? Is it really possible to feel that empty? How is it possible that we have put ourselves into such a situation? All but no answer. The feeling that there’s a massive hole in you that nothing can fill out. A kind of nothingness that is indescribable. You even start to question yourself but can’t find an answer. You try to dig into the deeper you but find nothing. You just like to lay on your bed and don’t feel like doing anything. Just nothingness, you just like to do nothing.

Even just wondering what to do with your empty thoughts and feelings makes you tired. There’s no escape. The world is just made of silly nothingness at the very moment.

As much as we want to get out of the hollowness, we can’t, it will all suddenly just come to you. We may like it or not being empty, but maybe sometimes, it is in the nothingness that we find that something. Something that would give the meaning to everything.

Even Yourself Deserves to be Happy

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It is the rainy season of the year. Day after day, the weather has always been gloomy. A weather as gloomy as you feel how your life is going. You have been searching for yourself and you need more time. Time to search for the things you really want to do, time to cherish moments for yourself. You have sacrificed a lot to deserve such a moment not for anyone or anything, but only about you.

But is it really all worth it?

As long as you’re happy, keep going. As long as you don’t compromise anything, as long as you are contented, it is worth it. It is time for you to be happy, you have already put yourself in situations not everyone can get through. And it is time for you to put yourself first, even for the first time. Even you, deserve some love from yourself. You don’t just give it all out.

Even the sky cries the heavy waters it has been holding before it shows its rainbow.

Raindrops are confetti from the sky, a sign of joy after the clouds have finally let go of something they have been carrying for a little while. You are just a human, you need to free up space for your heart and mind, for yourself. If you want to make your way up to happiness, you have to let go of the things that pull you down. You need this to see the rainbow you have been looking for. If you are seeking true tranquility, look for it, and you will find it in yourself.  Even you, deserve to be happy too.

It is good that you know how to value the people you care for and the values that you live by, and the things that speak of you. Most of all, you need to value yourself more than anything. You may have experienced frustrations and pain, been hurt and scarred, but remember that it all adds up to who you are right now and it does not reduce your value as a human. It sums up your imperfections that make up who you are.

Pain; A Part of Being Human

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As human beings, we can ruin everything we touch, including each other. The worst case scenario is that we might end up ruining even ourselves.

Waking up the doing the same, you thought you were on your way to find yourself a greener pasture to cleanse your mind and to give your soul a rest. You have already caused yourself too much pain. You know it is time to take a break from breaking. The hurt is caused by disappointments and ungranted wishes. You keep mending yourself but the universe conspires to keep on tearing you apart.

But why do we keep hurting ourselves and not get used to it? Why do we find ourselves to be happy when we feed ourselves with the idea of something that we know wouldn’t happen? How can we wish for other people to be happy when we haven’t felt the genuine happiness within us? Why do we search for happiness in other people? Some questions are left to be unanswered, and that is how the world works. The world doesn’t just revolve around you and that means that we have to go through or we’ll get ourselves left behind. After all, maybe one thing could be sure, that we don’t really need to depend our happiness to other people or we’ll end up increasing the risk for disappointment to come to us, and follows pain. It is time to search for inner peace, it is time to seek happiness within you. Accept yourself, so we can find acceptance in other people, and for us to accept our situation. It is in acceptance that we heal our self.

Just because something didn’t go our way, doesn’t mean that it is the end of life.

Everything should happen for a reason.

A Thing Called Vulnerably Strong

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Another day, another rejection. You’re alone in a room. You lie in bed to take a rest, but no matter how much sleep you get, you’re still tired. You are tired of being tired. Wanting it all to end, an idea has crossed your wandering mind, but you’re scared. Scared but still think it is the only way to escape. Scared but wonders if it’s worth it to escape the pain. You accept yourself, but the people reject.

How come some people were brave enough to just leave but scared enough to keep moving on. Maybe they’re exhausted, or we never know, we all have that one reason within ourselves that tells us what to do. The reason that we just don’t let out from ourselves.

You are so hurt, your eyes speak of pain, and your actions show fragility. But it is the mind, your mind keeps telling you to give up but your heart yells to keep going. You can cry all you want, it might not change the situation, but it will help. Tears bring out the screams you have inside you. They water the vines inside you to mend your heart. Cry, cry all by yourself until you feel lighter. It is better than to feel empty and nothing at all.

After so, get up, fix yourself and keep moving. Beautiful gardens bloom not only by watering, but with care and enough sunshine. Face it, that is the only way to get through.

You Know You Got Stronger

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It’s another normal day, you take a rest and relax in the best way you can. You woke up, the sun is shining bright and everything seems to be in order. The sun beams light through your window. It is a light that warms your body, your mind, and your soul. You tell yourself, you did it. You woke up feeling well, not pressured, and you let everything go.

Optimistic, an ideology you tell yourself. It is what you are right now. Optimistic in a way that you see something better for you and the people you care for. The storms that once ruined you have gone by, and it’s time to rebuild yourself. The rainbow has painted the once grey sky, but you keep in mind that nothing lasts.

You rebuilt yourself stronger so you prevent yourself from getting destroyed again. The walls that once let everyone in has gone higher. You let go of the things that weighed you down so you can soar high, but you hold on to some of the things that destroyed you as a reminder to keep pushing forward. These are the remembrance to not forget what you’ve been through. The memoirs to tell you to keep fighting and going.

Keep the scars in your soul and let the people you care for look into your eyes. The eyes will always be a window through your soul.

You know you got stronger when you miss yourself feeling the pain that used to kill you. You don’t wanna go back to the situation, but you wanna go back to what used to be yourself  and reminisce on how it has been through. You can let go of the pain, but never the lessons and the sincerity to touch others.